He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
