my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
