is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
