Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
This is not my ceiling
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
