yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
