when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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