at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize