Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
