Im at strip club and am horny
You can't special order awesome
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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