Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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