Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
