fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
