We won't sleep together?
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just want nice things and good sex
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize