i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
