my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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