I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize