I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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