Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You ate ashes out of my bong
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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