trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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