I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
