You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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