is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
