why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
