I just made out with a guy for $7.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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