Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
