I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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