Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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