Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
