Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
