Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
