i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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