I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
