i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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