Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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