Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Can I color on your dick again?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
