my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
