my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
