what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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