omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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