I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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