I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
