i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
