I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
