dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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