puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
