Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
