You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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