2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
