Rock
Scissors
Fuck
id be glad to
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Randomize
