Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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