I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
