wat bout pragnant strippers??
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
