Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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