I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
