I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
