Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
