i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Randomize
