Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Randomize
