did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize