Just fell off a train. Bad.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
pray to the hookup gods
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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