sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
