we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
