I'm eating all of the evidence.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
