I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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