Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
