This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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