he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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