my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
