It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
