its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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