so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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