thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
