i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
