sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
